As much as Maynard Keenan would possibly, and by possibly I mean actually 100% definitely, despise the fact that I am about to write about him it has to happen. We all know he likes his privacy and doesn’t have much time for headcases. I get it. There’s no shortage of them out there. I would like to preface this with I am not one of *those*people but one must be allowed to show admiration in an introverted way and in some capacity without being labelled as a “psycho hose beast”. I am certain Maynard can identify with this scene from Wayne’s World and the many stalkers of the music world but I am not quite at this level of mental-ness

I mean this is coming from the girl who was presented the opportunity to go backstage with NiN and just stood there in the corner out of respect and sheer trauma as to what to say that would be both interesting and intelligent. No words came to mind so I stood there in silence staring – in hindsight this was probably more creepy . It is such a bizarre phenomenon that people react the way they do over musicians or anyone famous I suppose. Any time I have ever met someone I admire or respect I just can’t be bothered approaching them because I feel it violates their personal boundaries and I try to be mindful of this. Naturally, there is a tiny, minuscule shred of me that sits on  he “psycho hose beast” spectrum of fans but it’s pretty well hidden. I mean it’s not like I spend a lot of time thinking about how well we would get on based purely on the fact that when I saw APC play in Sydney he couldn’t cope with all the flashing lights – as a migraine sufferer i hate all things light/fluro/flashing – so we could probably chill in perpetual darkness? If only he would indulge me and give it a chance but then again… I don’t drink and have no interest in wine – so there you go, perhaps I would be cast aside from the wider Maynard Mob because I don’t drink or haven’t tried his wines or know everything about Arizona – god I haven’t even been there, or Caduceus Cellars or Mekrin Vineyards…can you imagine…

Monday’s are indeed tough and we do whatever we can to manage them. For a lot of people that involves caffeine in copious amounts and being generally pessimistic in their outlook. For me it it certainly includes elements of caffeine and also means listening to music and addressing the many moods that a Monday can bring. I can’t work out the correlation between Mondays and the need for music – it seems to be overwhelming to me on this particular day of the week. Today I have narrowed this need down to the fact that I don’t like or can’t seem to communicate with human beings on Mondays. Maybe it’s me, but pretty sure it’s really them. Music was pretty much invented for coping with Mondays.

It was by sheer coincidence or perhaps some divine and spiritual intervention, that my music shuffled to play only Maynard related songs covering Tool, A Perfect Circle and Puscifer. It was rather remarkable and highly satisfying compared to the more lack lustre shuffles that itunes has been producing as of late – the entire way in to work I was subjected to Maynard dominating my ear space.

I really didn’t mind this at all. Not one bit.

In fact it has been the best thing about Monday so far that is until I watch the walking dead which is going to happen after this rant is over…

If you need a quick understanding of what ear domination by Maynard sounds like – have a listen to the good old cathartic screams going on here. I mean who has time to compile this stuff. Oh right, one of those aforementioned fans.

Sure I have seen Tool,APC and Puscifer and you all know I love a good scream however think about these screams int he context of Mondays. You can take any one of these screams and just apply it to a challenging event likely to be experienced on a Monday.

Today I carefully selected a scream and then applied it to the following situations/people and I suggest you give it a go, very therapeutic. The scream chosen to cope with the below list of offences can be found at 7mins 45 secs on the above video where Maynard is performing with Rage Against the Machine, cranking out the delightful Know your Enemy tune.

“Time has come to payyyyy” – people of Mondays.Time has come to pay indeed.

1)To the man pretty much sitting on top of me on the bus and looking over at me huffing and puffing being very passive aggressive – clearly my music was bothering him. You choose to sit next to me a lot of the time. Here’s a novel idea – sit next to a non music listener because the answer will always be no, it’s not too early to be listening to music loudly and yes sometimes it will be of the heavier variety.

2)The lady that cut in front of me today when getting my coffee and stood on my toes – I get it you are very busy and very important and having a worse day than me.

3)The photocopier that is perpetually broken and for taking about 15 minutes to print one urgent item for my boss

Maynard just has to live with the fact – the irrefutable truth, that he can indeed make life and especially Monday’s better.

Suck it up MJK.