I will not sugar coat that my mood of late has been somewhat sullen. I feel dejected and less than. I am doing yoga, affirmations, energy healing, journalling, NLP you name it I am trying to do it and I literally just curled into a ball before during yin yoga and cried. I just want to fast forward time. I have been here before and so I feel like is there any point at the moment trying to get to said point in time where this will all be better ugh?!
I feel that with this current mood it is hard for my attention to remain focused for any great period of time. Reading is irritating to me, concentrating is a struggle, I get squirmy during yoga poses and even my favourite TV shows seem hard for me to engage in.That was of course until about 5 minutes ago when I finished watching the latest episode of GIRLS (Season 4 Ep 3)
I enjoy GIRLS – sure there is so much dialogue about it and Lena Dunham and the characters but,you know, HBO don’t get it wrong. I appreciate it for what it is. I think it is tremendously brave and honest and most people that critique it sure as hell can’t do what Lena Dunahm has managed to do. (Rant over) I react like most people to the characters and situations and sure one of those recurring emotions is that of cringe. I often find myself feeling this in relation to all things Jessa.
I have always empathised with certain elements of Marnie . I throughly enjoyed this piece of writing and think they capture the character analysis of her well http://jezebel.com/5991023/in-defense-of-marnie
I think at Marnie’s core is her struggle with her own self esteem. Every girl can relate to this in some capacity. She doesn’t seem to realise how she is seen by others both beauty and personality. Her self absorption gets confused with her attempts to further understand herself and her problems because they matter to her. On paper or external appearance to others she has it all – she is smart, she can maintain a job, she can function in society more so that the others and yet she is lost, depressed and confused.
All those traits seem to bubble at the surface when men are around and tonight we saw Marnie taking that really hard step of having a boundary. Realising that NO this is not ok, this behaviour makes me feel terrible. Betting on potential is not reality and having an amazing sexual connection is wonderful but it is leaving her emotionally malnourished.
Marnie repsonds to Desi ( pretty much using her, having his cake eating it to, being emotionally unavailable ) with his pathetic justifications with this absolute cracker of a line:
“The problem with your plan is that I already know what I want. You are not offering it to me”
So simple, so effective, so strong and so true. She finally believes that shred of self worth. I don’t know why we go over and over and over and think about it an analyse it. Most things are so basic. What a great line for all females to remember everywhere when they are accepting less than…
The only trouble with this clarity is having the esteem to back it up and remain consistent.
I had a ‘ AHA ‘ moment as Oprah would say – lightbulbs going off everywhere.
Nice one Marnie you made me feel better x I might need to plaster that quote everywhere.
p.s I also thoroughly loved Hannah’s unfiltered commentary on her study group
Awesome recap here…