I’m not talking about that point you get to in a relationship where things are a little stagnant and to bring back the romance you reinstate date night. This concept has been around for a while in the self help circles and is deemed as healthy and a great way to rejuvenate and connect. I tend to somewhat agree. I think it’s far too easy to get complacent and comfortable and stop making the effort. Here’s a tip to the lucky man of my dreams reading this, DON’T STOP DOING THE LITTLE THINGS, EVER.
You may take date night in turns so one week you do what you like and the following week it’s your partners choice. Your date night may resemble something like this, your favourite restaurant, a night out at some cultural event like the ballet or seeing a play, a sneaky dessert, maybe a nice nature walk and picnic, seeing a movie – low key,comfortable,fun and elements of romance and quality time are wrapped up in that date.
His date night might look like this; a blowjob.
OK OK OK that may not be fair. It might look like this, sports night, beers and pizza on the couch or going to a gig, watching him surf and you pretending that you really are ok with doing nothing on the beach without appropriate shade or reading materials and that if he does ask you to go into the water you are totally cool with that because you know your fake tan will come off and yes dammit you forgot to wear waterproof mascara. You decided on a smokey eye look in full daylight on the beach. You had to draw attention to your best feature right?! Then when you get out of the water it somehow magically makes everything stand out more like all those freckles and random hairs in random places that you were certain you removed in your weekly deforestation attempts.
In general I think the concept has many benefits…that is of course, if you have a partner to do those things with.
Lately I have been doing a lot of “work” on myself so to speak. One blog I really enjoy is Hello Giggles which Zooey Deschanel is involved with. I found myself reading this http://hellogiggles.com/i-dare-you-to-date-yourself and it sounded like a good idea. Date myself yeah! I also thoroughly enjoy her TV comedy show New Girl. I can always take most of my life lessons from the character she plays in New Girl, Jessica Day. There are just so many similarities between us and I often find the parallels uncanny.
The most recent episode of New Girl sees Jess struggling with a new man she works with and whilst this is not what I am dealing with, the end result is the same which linked into the date yourself idea.
It results in her asking her best friend Cece to read a letter to her that she wrote to herself if a situation with the boy should arise.It stated the following “Did you learn nothing from the movie Elizabeth, you stupid little bitch?” No one respects a queen who sleeps with her subjects. I will paint my face white.No man may have me.” I agree. I will have myself! I will date myself. At least this way I can’t let myself down right? I’m a catch right? At least that’s what the affirmations plastered everywhere are meant to be helping me believe… and no one wants to give out this vibe… well not me.
I thought I would walk you through my date night. Time to look after me. I am putting me first. No one will love me if i cant love myself blah blah blah.
I decided to get a massage. I am not sure whether my traditional thai massage counts as pampering myself as opposed to hammering myself. I felt beaten and bruised as if I had experienced some form of medieval torture. The overpowering wofts of tiger balm in conjunction with the bony elbows digging into me were not really creating a loving mental atmosphere. Forget quietening the mind and practicing any aspect of being present. My mind was loud with the following thoughts; “Is that normal to be making that cracking sound? Did that just pop? Does she think I can twist that far? I am certain my boobs are now exposed from that twist and we have some bad towel placement going on but I guess someone should enjoy them. Is she at least going to cover me back up? Did she just tie my hair up with a scunchie and a hair clip?” – relentless monkey mind.
As the last 5 minutes approached and the massage was focused on my head I was actually able to enjoy it but just as I was breathing at a normal rate again and and starting to relax my masseuse uttered “FINISH” .
Next step on the date night was to get a really nice meal that I enjoyed. I felt like sneaky carbs tonight. I don’t often eat pasta as I try to follow the paleo lifestyle as much as possible. I made my favourite spaghetti bolognese – a rare treat but one I thorougly enjoy every now and then. I got all my ingredients rushing around the supermarket. After an extra helping of parmesan cheese and a crack of a diet coke can I was ready to enjoy my meal. I took my first mouthful and tried to meditate and savour the moment practising being present and tasting it rather than scoffing it down. It tasted odd and not like beef at all. Something was wrong. I looked at the packet…PORK MINCE. Great now I also can’t read it would seem. Ew. Gross. No amount of paremsan cheese or tomato sauce was going to save this spaghetti slip up.
Moving on. I always have a bath at night so this is not anything special I would do for myself however it was included in the overall plan. The bath is probably my favourite place to be so it is pretty rare that this could go wrong but..not only had someone finished my expensive relaxing bubble bath product but the hot water was lukewarm which then went quickly to cold.
Meanwhile, whilst i was running the bath I had popped into my bedroom to dump my work bag and open the window up to let some air into the room. I was unaware that the screens had been taken off the windows and our 12 year old Burmese cat (just want to point out here that I am 100% a DOG person but we currently only have cats and I like animals in general) had escaped out of my window into the night. I am surprised he could lift his arthritic legs and fat stomach onto the window ledge. As you can see from my picture he is more of an ‘indoor’cat. My bath was interrupted by irate screams and accusations of a missing cat. Inadvertently I had allowed this to happen. Eventually he was found in a pile of laundry inside the house.
After this I had to put on some Seinfeld. I needed cheering up and fast. There is ALWAYS Seinfeld.It speaks the truth, it brings me comfort. It is one of the only constants in my life that I am grateful for. I picked a dvd at random and it just so happened to have one of my many favourite Elaine Benes scenes. At least dating myself means I don’t have to worry about the dramas that go along with dating. Thanks for the reminder Elaine Benes.
I think my next date night might be a movie.I am dying to see Nightcrawler .
What could go wrong in the cinema?
Yes, my next date night is going to be with Jake Gyllenhaal
(he just doesn’t know it yet)