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We’ve all experienced it. You do your makeup in the morning as part of your routine. You think you look acceptable to step out into society so off you go…

“Ooooh I  better just pop to the loo…”

It’s there in a public bathroom where the horror reveals itself. You catch a glimpse of yourself, maybe only when washing your hands. It’s here under some foul fluorescent lighting that you see the full effect of your blush or bronzing blunder. In a matter of seconds you quickly go through the stages of blush grief.

1. Denial – Which looks like this “No,no,no it’s just this harsh white lighting, it’s not normal lighting, not flattering at all, nobody looks good in these lights”

2. Anger – This can be internal “If only I hadn’t slept in I wouldn’t of been rushing”  or external  “…but the M.A.C. lady said this was the right colour for my skin tone how could a professional make up artist get it so wrong’  (but they do ladies, they do)

3.Bargaining – Involves thoughts like this “If only I had bought that Napoleon one” or “Maybe I should of paid the extra for the better brush – I mean every make up artists says its the tools”

4. Depression – which we get to very quickly. It’s here where we wallow over the fact that we never look nice, we can’t even look good with make up on, what’s the point?

5. Acceptance – Finally acceptance. Yes, you’ve been walking around looking like something that performs in a circus.null No, you don’t happen to be carrying makeup wipes in your bag on this particular day or paint stripper. You do your best to blend it in. If you are a lucky a friend/colleague tries to apply more powder or foundation over the top – but either way, you end up being on the Oompa Loompa spectrum.

This scale is where your face is taken up by at least 2/3 by the darker bronzer/blush colour. Unfortunately there is no redemption from this point – only solitary confinement or a pressure blasting hose.

nullWearing blush and bronzer is a definite skill. I commend those of you that wear it well. You are an elite species and you have my respect. I’ve been guilty of looking like a stripey orange tiger, a clown, someone who suffers extreme rosacea, someone who looks a bit dirty and in dire need of an exfoliation and then the worst fate, a floating, orange bobbled head on a white neck. No good can come of this.

I mean is it any wonder we find it hard to apply blush with instructions floating around like this? That there are variations of clowns,tigers,oompa loompas … Don’t even get me started on contouring! These instructions, if anything, are encouraging the oompa loompa effect – you can see why so many of us are going wrong…

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Until the day where I can hold my head high with my cheekbones perfectly highlighted with a natural glow, I am just grateful that most days I no longer leave the house looking like this…

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BUT if you do or you see someone that has, be a friend to your fellow female race and let them know x

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