If you exist I haven’t found you and it’s not through lack of trying.

I have been on a quest for the perfect mascara for just over 11 years now. It started in my early twenties when I had my first job post uni and everyone in my advertising job wore a lot of makeup. I remember wondering whether half the girls in my office moonlighted as air hostesses because their makeup was so perfect. I wore make up back in those days and can honestly say I wore it to the best of my ability (in hindsight it was mediocre application at best) These were the days where I could go out mid week to some heavy metal gig or club and get by on 3 hours sleep. That process usually involved me forgetting my makeup bag on more than one occasion ( an event that causes significant stress to this day)  thus I would turn up to work relatively bare faced.

One Thursday night I had been out to a see a band called Evergreen Terrace and  I can only describe them with an image.null Needless to say, in keeping with the heavy metal theme, I wore really heavy eyeliner and mascara in extreme, blackest, blackity,black.

When I got home I proceeded to the bathroom and straight into my makeup removing ritual which could be likened to that of water painting gone wrong. A lot of the time it felt like i was just sweeping it across my face until I looked like a member of KISS. We didn’t have those makeup removing wipes that I can recall  – it was a pretty laborious process but I can’t stand waking up with panda eyes so I scrubbed and scrubbed until it was all off. I even used the nice cardboard like towels Mum has in the bathroom to really get them off. I was constantly being yelled out for fake tan and stripes of mascara on her “good” towels.Whatever.

Now, usually I would transfer my make up bag back into my work bag but obviously being a little tired and possibly drunk at 3am, I had not removed it from my going out bag back to my work bag. (You will be pleased to know that these days I have a little bit of make up in most of my bags and I even have back up make up at work because you just never know when you might need it. Seriously ladies, this small integration could change your life)

Anyway, I arrived at work the next morning only to realise that the only cosmetic I had on me was a lip gloss right down the bottom of my bag . It wasn’t ideal but it had to do. I have such traumatic memories of this day and how my colleagues behaved towards me. It started as soon as I got in, I was asked if I was anemic or suffered chronic fatigue. How odd I thought.What a weird thing to say .No, I don’t suffer chronic fatigue because I was out till 3am, I am in my early twenties and I am still here and more awake that most of you…ahhhh????  Then in the kitchen looking for a fix of caffeine, someone else approached me with a gentle shoulder touch and asked if everything was ok and had I been crying. No… not yet… but that was more on the money than the other queries.  My powers of deduction and history repeating itself informed me that  it was because I was not wearing mascara.

That day forever changed me. It is a rare sight to see me these days without mascara .

The quest has taken me all over the globe. My next Mascara Pilgrimage is fast approaching and it will see me returning to the USA over Christmas. There has never been any structure to this process but this time I have a well considered approach and a sure fire strategy. It involves going to Sephora and probably buying every single mascara listed here

Then I will systematically go through the super market names – Maybelline, L’oreal, Cover girl, Rimmel etc and finally a department store round up with MAC,Estee Lauder and Bobbi Brown etc.

Is it any wonder this quest is so challenging when you see words like this; lengthening, volumising, high definition, curling, lash blast, thickening, bottom lash, extender, 3D and 4D (WTF?) , there are curved wands, straight wands, wands that vibrate, weird shaped ball wands,  then we have water proof, smudge proof, budge proof.

In my mascara adventures it hasn’t all been despair and disappointment. I would like to share with you a few names that have been highlights – Sumptuous Infinite Daring Length & Volume, Better than Sex and Twice The Sex Mascara Duo. Unfortunately I didn’t get daring length and volume but I would agree that the aptly named mascara is better than sex or, at the very least, lasts a lot longer.

Due to recent life events I had to switch to a waterproof mascara and yes, it is M.A.C and no, it is not living up to all it promised. The below is an accurate reflection of waterproof mascara. I remain calm and focused because this is only an interim period and solution.null

The issue with my quest is that there is always going to be something new out there on the periphery being created and ready to be discovered. It will never end. I long for the day where a makeup artist just pops out of the mascara tube and makes you look like Katy Perry and where a wonky lash application will be a thing of the past.null

Until such day I will forever be in the grip of that sticky black goodness.

Perfect Mascara where are you???????????

I’m here and I am ready for you.